Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

Mar 16, 2009

Seeing RED.

So my sister turned me on to these books written by J.R. Ward "The Black Dagger Brotherhood" series. I have to admit that Amoo the Almighty was the one who got me the first book, from a thrift store. (Who's the ultimate bargain shopper? Oh yeah... it's her!) Once I read the first one I was hooked. So now we have the first three and I was reading the third one about Zsadist when something very weird happened.
Rehvenge is the brother of the main female character named Bella. He was driving in his Bentley when he had a kind of attack. Everything turned red, he got all panicked and had to inject himself with dopamine to make it stop.
What struck me about it was it has happened to me before.
When I was a little baby I had seizures every day and was pretty sick for the first five or six years of my life. I don't remember very much of it besides the ear pain from the constant ear infections and the terror of breathing a sedative gas when I got my tonsils out.
One thing I do remember was one night sitting on my mom's water bed. I was looking at the big wooden headboard and all of a sudden I saw red. I know I was out of it because I remember someone talking to me but I couldn't answer. I saw everything around me and thought I was in an Atari game. As a child that was all I could compare it to. Now I know it was because everything lost it's depth. It was all two dimensional.
I also remember the stark fear. I was so afraid of the red. I kept looking around me at the room I was in, searching for a speck of color to break up the bloody scene. I was terrified that I wouldn't come back from the place I was seeing. I was scared that I would be there forever and I felt so damn alone and exposed.
For most of my adult life I thought it was a nightmare or maybe I had imagined it. But I never forgot that moment and I have sometimes feared that it would come back one day.
I wonder, now, if I was having a small seizure that night. I never remembered any of them so I wonder if that's what it's like to have all your neurons firing at once.
Scary as hell.
Anyway if you want to read what it was like the book is:
Lover Awakened by J.R. Ward
And the scene starts on page #207 and ends on page #209

1 comment:

Mammallama said...

Ha!! I had a red scarf over your eyes and we were playing Peek-a-Boo!!
Funny how you remember things differently than I do. Actually, I probably did not even know you were having a seizure because you had so many.