Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

Apr 30, 2008

I miss you already...

This may be my last blog for quite some time so I'm just gonna trow a bunch of stuff in.

First of all, the rant:

Joshua David! Damn you to hell! And I don't mean the happy hell where you are made to feel bad for what you did for eternity. I'm talking about the hell where you are forced to have a pineapple shoved up your ass by a grinning Satan at tea time every day for the rest of eternity.

Why in the hell you think it's okay to run up all kinds of bills at your mother's house and then leave her to pay them, I will never understand. I don't think you're having to go without the Internet, or fast food, or every new movie that comes out to blue ray, even if it sucks.

So while you are having fun I hope you get what you deserve.

I am a firm believer in karma.

I don't have to do anything to you. God, Mother Nature, Budda, or whoever runs this existence will give you the shaft you ass. If you listen carefully you will hear the cocking of the 'fuck you Josh' gun.

Hope you suffer.

Now to the cat.

There is this stupid stray cat that has decided it lives at my house. Ever since we put in the cat door we've had strays coming in to feast on the cans of shredded cat food that our snobby cats must have on a daily basis. Usually they are afraid of people and run away whenever we come near.

This one is not a stray. I think it belonged to a neighbor who moved out and left their animal to fend for itself, which pisses me off. It has decided that we are it's new family. I call it moocher, he's a boy. He comes in and lays on Amoo's bed as though he belongs there. You can even sit next to him and he just looks at you as though he's saying, 'hey, I'm trying to sleep here.'

Or he likes to lay on our back porch, right in the doorway, so that you have to step over him to get in or out of the house. I can yell at him and he doesn't even bat an eyelash. So, I guess we have a new cat.

I can't remember what else I wanted to rant about so I'll just leave it at that.


Oh, and I hate you Josh!

Apr 28, 2008

I'm gonna get it.

She's going to kill me for this, but I took some pictures of Xandra while she was asleep in the back of the car. She had just spent the night at one of her friends' house for a birthday party. They had stayed up til 3 or 4 am and she was tired but I wanted pictures of her neon pink hair and the shorter cut for posterity.

So at the risk of being persecuted for catching her unawares I give you:


Phoenix's Tooth

A rare and spectacular event has occurred:

Phoenix lost his first tooth! That may seem a little anti-climactic but it's a very big deal to him. At first he was happy that it was out, then he saw the blood and freaked out. As you can see by the picture he thought I had tried to kill him and that he would perish in his sleep from blood loss.

Kale, of course, grabbed some pliers while I was trying to calm Phoenix down and began his tooth extraction. Thankfully they were plastic toy pliers, I've learned not to leave the tools down where the boys can get them, and he neither made progress nor caused damage.

This morning Phoenix checked under his pillow and found his tooth was missing out of the pouch and was replaced with a dollar. He sprung out of his bed, at three am, to wake me up and tell me he was rich!

After getting him back to sleep I was exhausted. I spent the whole night waiting for them both to fall asleep so I could make the old switcheroo. Phoenix, however, developed super spider sense, due to the imminent arrival of a real fairy, and woke up every time I tried to sneak in or even if Kale farted. So, rather like a scene from mission impossible, I was forced to army crawl to his bedside, pausing at every creak and whisper of sound.

I snuck my hand beneath his pillow in torturous millimeter increments, which seemed to take an hour. I made the switch and put the bag back under his pillow. When I almost had my hand away from his bed I heard a delighted childish laugh... and froze!

I've never been so terrified in my entire life. I thought for sure Kale was awake and would tell Phoenix who had made the switch. Like a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding truck I couldn't move until he laughed again and said something like, "my cookie is wet." I turned to see that he was still asleep and having some kind of pleasant dream about cookies or something.

With my heart beating frantically I made my way back to my room and collapsed on my bed.

It's hard work being the tooth fairy.

Apr 26, 2008

The Amoo Tree

I have found it!

There is a tree growing in front of a house across the street from Phoenix's school. Is it not just the perfect color for mom? I want to get one for her for mother's day, but I don't know what kind of tree it is.

Throw me a fricken bone here.

If you know please leave a comment.
In the picture the flowers haven't bloomed yet, but I think they will look like the white and red flowers in the second picture of this post. The second plant is the tree we both want around the perimeter of our backyard. It could be jasmine, it smells heavenly, but I can't get a close enough look on the nursery web sites so I'm not sure.
Help me, I am retarded.

Apr 21, 2008

My hair is ugly!

I had to dye my hair black to cover the blue-green because I have a job interview tonight. It's ugly and I hate it!

Why can't I get a job where they don't care if I have tattoos and blue hair.

Apr 20, 2008


I'm reading this book, for the fourth time, called Imajica by Clive Barker. It's a work of genius and a perfect piece of art.
Can you tell I like it?
Here's just one of the parts that I really love:
Page# 539
"Remember that everything you learn is already a part of you, even to the Godhead Itself. Study nothing except in the knowledge that you already knew it. Worship nothing except in adoration of your true self. And fear nothing except in the certainty that you are your enemy's begetter and its only hope of healing. For everything that does evil is in pain. Will you remember those things?"
This book is full of profound statements and though I just finnished reading it I can't put it down, so I started all over.
I love it.

My son Kale.

He's done it again!
This morning while I was working on a new blog for my old site my son's called me away to make them something to drink and find them something to watch on T.V.
While I was convienently distracted my youngest son Kale came and played on the computer. He had lots of fun and, in his own words, "Did a lot of damage."
A thousand clicks of the mouse later he blocked off all access I had to my blogspot.
This is why I've had to create this new one.