Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

Jul 29, 2009

I'm incognito... Shhhh.

I have resorted to drastic measures to afford myself some time on the computer.
Everyone is asleep right now, except Kale, and I bribed him with chochat mout to let me have a turn before he starts listening to Halo on you tube.
I'm surprised the computer hasn't flashed a warning on the screen, "DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!" With the constant use it's had to endure I am proud it hasn't blown up yet.
Dakota has recently introduced the boys to Wizard 101, an online game where they can create their own wizard and go through wizarding school to obtain new powers. It has become impossible for me to get ANY time on the computer. Amoo is seriously considering buying a laptop because even once Dakota goes back home we still have to fight over computer time with Phoenix and Kale.
I forgot to write about my return flight from Texas.
As soon as the plane started moving I lost what little grip I have on reality. I could feel every shudder in the plane and was sure during takeoff that we were going to explode. After we got in the air and the plane stopped shaking I was alright and even spent the two hour flight looking at the clouds from above. But when we started descending again the plane shook and I was back to imagining my imminent, fiery death and hoping my children would be okay without me.
So yeah, flying... never doing that again. Ever!
A while ago the boys got really sick and I couldn't get them an appointment at the clinic, they were all full, so I ended up taking them to the Children's Hospital Emergency Room. I love the people there. They treat your kids as if they are the center of the universe and cater to their every whim while seeing to whatever illness they have.
The nice doctor who was treating them had to swab their throats, to check for strep. Phoenix didn't like it, because his throat was raw, but he took it like a man. I'm lucky I had the forethought to hold Kale down because he tried to hit the woman. And if she hadn't held his legs still he would have kicked her right in her protruding, obviously pregnant, belly. She brought them Popsicles to sooth their throats while we waited for the bacteria to grow. The entire ten minutes it took for her to come back Kale whined about how his throat hurt because the lady stabbed him in the mouth. And he wanted to go home so he could tell Amoo what I had let the lady do to him. And on, and on it went.
It turned out they both had strep so we got our prescriptions and went to the pharmacy. It didn't take very long to get them filled but while I waited in line to pick it up I caught Phoenix and Kale trying to take apart a display case for breast pumps. After I got them to sit back down I didn't dare turn my back so I stood in line staring right at them to make sure they wouldn't try it again. Another customer noticed and asked why I was watching them so closely. I told him what they had tried to do and that it's happened before. That I knew the moment I took my eyes off them they would be back at it. I thought the man was going to choke on his laughter. It is funny... until your child hands you the four foot neon light bulb from the kiosk he just took apart. Explaining that to the bank teller was fun, I especially loved her face when she saw that he had no tools, just a stuffed teddy bear.
Good Times.
A few days after we got the boys their antibiotics my ears started really hurting. They kind of hurt all the time because of all the scarring from the many perforations, but when the whole side of your head hurts and you can't think of anything besides the pain, that's when it's ready to pop. I went to the E.R. and got myself some antibiotics. Unfortunately when I got out all the pharmacy's were closed and the 24 hour one was just too far away for me to drive in the current agony I was feeling. So I went home, drugged up, and slept like a baby. The next morning the pain was worse, if you can believe it. I went to the pharmacy and picked up a few other things we needed while I waited. I took the antibiotic before I even left the store, but deep down I knew I was too late. When you start panting and crying from the pain is just before it's about to burst. (Yes, I've got this ear infection thing down to a science.)
I barely got home and stumbled into the kitchen when it finally popped. It's an interesting experience. If you take away the gut wrenching pain, it really is interesting. You can hear the fluid pushing against the membrane of the eardrum and when it pops it makes multiple gurgling noises while it spits the fluids into your ear canal.
I didn't know until the pain eased a bit that I was screaming and Amoo had run up the stairs yelling for someone to tell her what was wrong. She hadn't known I was home yet and must have thought one of the kids were hurt.
I felt bad for worrying her but I kind of didn't have a choice. But after your ear pops, man it feels so much better. With a normal person the pain just goes away because the pressure is gone. Unfortunately my eardrums are thicker and tend to have little micro burstings for the next day or so. I'm not quite sure how it works, or why but many doctors have marveled at the sight of my ears. I'm a medical wonder.
Yay Me!
We've had a weird week and I still haven't gotten to the worst part yet. But I think I'll just let Amoo tell it.
Shaun Michael McCurry was a good friend of Amoo's who died this past Saturday. He is and always will be missed.

Jul 11, 2009

Gummy Bears

All the grand kids were introduced to the gummy bear song while at Amoo's house. And the world may never be the same.
Lord, give me strength.
Wow! I had no idea how much time it takes to upload a video to a post. I think I grew a few gray hairs just now. I wonder how much I can add to this post before it finishes loading? I can just keep prattling on about absolutely nothing forever. Until you are so tired of reading this crap that you leave my blog spot with a vow never to return. Man, trying to type about nothing is harder than I thought. What to do... what to do?
Oh! I know. I can tell you about the movie I just watched. I have a rule: I have to watch any movie all the way through once, no matter how much it sucks. Street Fighter almost made me break that rule. I always give a new movie a chance, and who knows, maybe it will get better at the end. But not that piece of crap. I shudder to think of the amount of money that went into the making of such a waste of time and film. If I had paid to see it I would sue the filmmakers for mental distress. It was almost painful to watch and I had to force myself to sit through the whole thing. Not even the fight scenes were exciting enough to appeal to me. If I were to rate it on a scale of one to ten I would give it negative five. Someone should have to pay me for the time wasted on it and- Damn! When is this stupid video going to finish loading? Sitting here, waiting is almost as painful as sitting through that movie... almost.
Mom called me into her room for something and saw that a piece of my hair was hanging down my face and looked like it was sticking up my nose. So... being the classy girl that I am I said, "He who controls the spice controls the universe!" I'm such a dork! Speaking of dorks, how come Tobi doesn't like the movie 'Clash of the Titans?' It was way cool and shall forever be one of my favorite flicks. Sure the effect were not very special, but you have to consider the time it was made in. Back then, when fire was first discovered, they were super special.
Okay, so I can't get my video to post.
Damn! I'll have to call Tobi and ask her how to fix it.

Jul 7, 2009

It really is BIGGER in Texas

The latest drama, well besides the family reunion with seven grand children under my roof and all the chaos that naturally comes with such a gathering, is that I (Britt, the one who never goes anywhere,) am in Texas. Friday the 3rd was the day Tobi was going to leave our house and return from whence she came. But when she woke up she had a problem. Her neck was cramping and she couldn't turn it very much. Everyone who has a brain cell knows that you have to turn your head while driving so she didn't know what to do. She wanted to go home and be with her hubby but she couldn't drive. I hadn't even heard about the drama when I went into the kitchen and told Tobi that we should just leave Mom with my kids so I could escape with her to Texas. Tobi shocked me to my toes when she said, seriously, "Go pack a bag." After much wimbbling on Tobi's part she decided I really was driving her and we set about getting me a plane ticket home and packing the car. I also had to take Kale to Sparky's house because Mom can't get him a babysitter for Monday and Tuesday. Dakota can watch Phoenix but we still don't trust him with Kale, also known in our household as the destroyer and lover of all things fire.
I have to admit, I am such a dork. I had so much fun doing noting more than keeping the car between the white lines for nearly twelve hours. Tobi obviously hates road trips, maybe because she had two kids in the back who wanted to get the heck out of their car seats and run around. Most people would hate being stuck in a car for that long but I had fun, probably because I had no children in the backseat trying to kill each other for looking out the others window. There were no arguments between Cora and Alec about, "he's breathing on me," or "she looked at me with a mean face." That is pretty much how all the fighting in the back of my car at home starts. Kale has territory issues and Phoenix loves baiting him. (Sometimes I do it too. It's just too funny watching him get angry over something so small like, looking at his favorite toy.)
Kansas wasn't the most stimulating place to drive through, but the tornado's and fierce storms kept me on my toes. I noticed, after Tobi told me to look for them, that there are quite a few anti- abortion billboards in Kansas, and also the inexplicable Jesus sign saying he believes in you and other such inspiring phrases.
When we stopped for dinner we fed the kids McDonald's, but Tobi wanted to go to Braums, a place I had never heard of but she said had the best burgers on the planet. We woke up Joel to get directions and set off in the rain to the place. When we got there we placed our orders and got our drinks and some ice cream for the kids. While I was filling my cup with root beer the lady who took our order told us that the tornado sirens were going off and the funnel cloud was only about five minutes away from our location so could we please follow her into the 'milk room?' I followed the woman through the area where they prepare food into what can only be described as a huge freezer. Cora and Alec were dressed for mid summer, naturally, and their lips turned blue almost instantly. The kind woman who escorted us to the freezer retrieved two coats for the kids to wrap up in. I have to admit, it was the funnest thing that happened all day. Tobi and I were laughing at our luck and we took many pictures of the milk room because no one would have believed us without proof. When the sirens fell silent we went back out and had to wait a few minutes for them to make our dinner, but hot damn, it was worth it. The fries were the very best I've ever had in my life and the burger, while not the best was pretty damned close. It was so freaking good and made all the better by the very nice people who served us. I would go back to that place just for the people even if their food wasn't divine. After stuffing my face to full capacity we went to the restrooms and set of again. We drove for a few more hours until we got to Wichita where we started looking for a motel. It was difficult and I got lost more than once trying to get into the stupid parking lot. When we finally made it to our room we pretty much just fell into bed. Tobi said she woke up in the middle of the night just a little too close to me and had to scoot back over so we weren't spooning. Weird experience. Tobi felt like driving the next morning and that's pretty much all we did the whole day. I wasn't as entertained sitting in the passenger seat so I plucked my eyebrows, played in Tobi's makeup, drew a picture, made wannabee hieroglyphics on the paper from a fruit by the foot snack. I listened to my music player and got the kids everything they wanted, movies, snacks and drinks. In Oklahoma City we stopped for gas and bathroom at the worst gas station in the whole world. I am so not joking. The bathroom was scary and I had to hug Cora while she used it so she felt safe enough to go potty. I took pictures so my readers would understand how horrifying it was, though I think the camera failed to capture the many flies in the small space. GROSS! When we got to Waco Tobi decided to let me drive, for which I was grateful. I didn't want to tell her but I was kind of bored sitting in the passenger seat. We were about an hour away from her house when I got pulled over. I was sure I hadn't been speeding because I had the cruise control on. But I still was panicked that they were going to give me a ticket. After a quiet fight between Tobi and I about how to unlock the window on her side so we could speak to the cop we handed over my driver's license and her insurance information. He said he had pulled me over because I failed to move into the left lane while an emergency vehicle was on the right shoulder. I had seen signs in Kansas and Oklahoma saying to do that but none in Texas, but there was no way I would have pointed that out to the cop. I apologized profusely and he let us go with a warning. Not twenty minutes later we saw a lighted billboard saying to move over into the left lane for emergency vehicles. Go figure. When we got to Tobi's house the kids ran around almost non-stop for an hour. Joel made us teriaki beef and rice on the grill. I have to say that the first bite was awful, way too salty, but damn, that flavor tasted better each bite I took. I even went back for seconds and ate some leftovers the next day. It was very good, but you had to give it more than one try.
Yesterday Tobi took me to Ikea, the most wonderful place to go shopping. They even have cinnamon rolls that can compare to Amoo's, they're not as good, mind you, but they are pretty close. I had no idea that you could buy a couch for $200.00, and not a POS, a really good one. I loved that place and wish we didn't have to leave. Then they took me to the very best part of the whole visit to Texas. We went to Rudy's. It was just a gas station that also served Bar-b-q. They serve your food in waxed paper and give you like a half a loaf of bread to eat with it. Your plates a thicker waxed paper. I thought it was so weird until I tasted the meat. Holly Hannah, talk about instant orgasm in your mouth! It was moist and seasoned perfectly and I was so full and happy when we were done eating. Who would have thought that a little meat on a plain old piece of bread could taste so very good? It totally took me by surprise. While typing this I've been eating cold leftovers from that place on a tortilla and it's just as good cold. Can they get nothing wrong?
Anyway, I'm leaving today and I'm sure I will have more stories to tell about my flight. I haven't been on a plane since I was ten. Who knows what's gonna happen.
I can't get the computer to reposition my pictures so they're just going to have to stay where they are.