Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

Oct 31, 2009

All Hallows Eve

Tonight we carved pumpkins and went to Trunk-or-Treat. Phoenix's pumpkin was a spider and Kale's was an alien. I didn't have time to carve one for myself so I'll have to do it tomorrow.
We needed some flashlights for the boys so we went to Target to pick some up. I was shocked to find that the store's Halloween section was completely disassembled and was replaced with Christmas stuff. I love Christmas, to an almost unhealthy level, but damn! Couldn't they just wait till tomorrow to set this crap up?
I had to go to the camping section to get any flashlights and I managed to grab the last two that cost under twenty dollars each. In the car, while trying to free the flashlights from their impenetrable plastic wrapper, I sliced the crap out of my ring finger and couldn't get it to stop bleeding. Of course, I had no band aid and had to put pressure on it to keep it from spilling all over my Ghost Busters shirt.
The most fun in the world can be had at the annual Trunk-or-Treat. I kid you not! It takes about forty-five minutes to go to all of the cars and the kids come away with enough candy to give a four year old a coronary. When I was a kid we had to go door to door for six hours to get the same amount of candy they got tonight.
The kids were sooooooooo cute! And not just my kids.
Phoenix was thrilled to see another Optimus Prime and even a Bumblebee. Kale was very excited to see a grown man dressed as a wolf, his wife was Little Red Riding Hood. Kale said the man was his "Werewolf Brother."
Amoo loved the toddler dressed as a little Bee and another little girl was a Ladybug. Adorable.
The cutest ones I saw were the little boy dressed as a UPS delivery man, he was only about two years old and had the whole ensemble, and the other boy dressed as a Mechanic. He had overalls on with tools hanging on the pockets and grease stains on his face, he even had a greasy cloth sticking out of his pocket. And he kept walking up to people's cars with his hammer and tapping on the tail lights to fix them. You could tell the little kid loved to fix things and the costume totally suited him.
We had way too much fun and the kids almost went into a sugar coma before I could take their buckets of candy away. But that's what this Holiday is all about. Fun costumes and making yourself sick on candy.
Long live All Hallows Eve!
Later BD

Oct 29, 2009

The FLU part deux.

We were finally getting better, damn it!
All our coughs were settling down and the vomiting and fevers had stopped. I guess I forgot about my luck and to watch my mouth because when Amoo asked me if we needed any over the counter medicine for the kids I said, obviously without thinking, "I think we have enough drugs to last us the rest of the year." We had stocked up while everyone was sick and we had tons of the stuff. Mucinex for adults and kids. Cough strips, Ibuprofen, Tylenol, sore throat spray and cough drops. We had it all.
The next day I had to keep both boys home from school because one had a fever and the other was coughing so hard I had to give him nebulizer treatments to keep him breathing. Ironically Kale, the one who only had a fever, was the one who had to go to the emergency room because he couldn't breath.
Phoenix was still coughing but it was well taken care of because he has a daily inhaler to control his asthma. On Monday I gave Kale four Neb treatments before 5 pm and the wheezing was still persisting.
Kale is not the most level-headed of children. Every time he had trouble breathing he started screaming and running from room to room like he was trying to get away from whatever was choking him.
At about 5:30 I tried giving him another Neb and the machine wasn't working! I think there might have been a small hole in the tubing or something because it wasn't smoking like it's supposed to. We don't have a rescue inhaler because Phoenix and I both take daily asthma meds and we've got the nebulizer so we never really needed one.
I had to rush him to the hospital.
All the nurses and doctors thought he was dying or having a seizure from the way he was behaving. When they finally got him a Neb treatment he calmed down and charmed them all with his stories and cuteness.
Well, there was a moment when they tried giving him liquid prednisone and he spit it back at the nice nurse who squirted it in his mouth. But then, and I have never seen Kale ever do this, he said, "I'm sorry lady but it tasted really gross." Then he asked her if she was okay.
I swear he was trying to get them all to love him.
After three treatments his heart rate was 190 and everyone kept coming in to check on him. Kale loved the attention, and because he had so much adrenaline in him he was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. He kept telling everyone how he wanted to be a monster when he grew up and did they ever see a Bakugan this cool, and how come it was so hot in the room and could he have a Popsicle?
It never stopped. Now I know I will never let my kids have any caffeine.
After six hours in the ER we were finally sent home and I got Kale a pitty happy meal at 11 pm.

Last night Phoenix had night terrors all night.
If you have never experienced this you should try it. No really it's great. What happens is he wakes up and walks around the house crying and screaming. His eyes are open and he can even answer some basic questions but he's not really awake. Last night he came into my room and kept screaming in my face but I couldn't figure out what he really wanted. I really thought he was sick and in pain, not having a night terror. So in my most intelligent moment yet I tried to communicate with him.
The number one rule for kids having a night terror and sleep walking is to NEVER WAKE THEM UP!
Every time I tried getting him to tell me what was wrong he freaked out even worse and kept putting his hand up in front of my face and shaking it like he was trying to get me to shut up and leave him alone. At 3 am I couldn't seem to remember that I should just take him back to bed so I kept trying to talk to him which kept making him more afraid and scream louder.
Finally he just walked away from me and went back to bed.
Even when he's asleep he's smarter than me.
This morning I made the boys a special breakfast because they were both feeling so crappy. Phoenix loved his but Kale wouldn't touch his. I swear he thinks I'm trying to poison him or something because he won't eat anything I make.

Oct 9, 2009

I am a Dumb Ass!

On Wednesday I went to work. I was at the second building when I fell. There are no street lights around that place and I have to use a flashlight to see my way into the building. I think my flashlight needs new batteries because it was very dim. The lack of light ensured that I couldn't see the crack in the pavement that I tripped over. I landed on one of those metal girders that they use for the frames of skyscrapers. It hurt like a mother trucker.
The next morning I went to the E.R. and found out I had broken a small piece of my wrist bone off. They put me in a splint because they don't give you a cast right away anymore. I guess the swelling can cut off the circulation to your fingers and can cause tissue damage. In short, they would have to cut off my dead fingers.
So in a week I have to go to my doctor where they will decide if I need a cast or if they want to just keep me in the splint.
I planned on writing more but it's extremely hard to type with one hand so I'll have to continue this another time.
I had to put a soft sock under the splint because it was rubbing off my skin.

Oct 2, 2009

Happy Birthday To FLU!

Okay... where to begin?
First of all, the reason why no one has been able to get a hold of me is because we have all been so sick. Seriously, when you're so ill that you can't motivate yourself to answer the phone then you know something is terribly wrong.
It started with Kale being sent home on Thursday because he couldn't stop throwing up. I spent most of that day and night cleaning up after him and doing laundry. The poor little guy just couldn't hold anything down. The next day Phoenix had a fever of 102.5 so no one went to school.
I let Phoenix open his birthday present on Friday so he could have the whole weekend to play Guitar Hero 5. On Saturday night Phoenix's ear started hurting badly so at 4am when he couldn't stand it anymore we went to the Children's hospital to get some antibiotics. I spent the rest of the day trying to get the kids well for school on Monday. That plan was shot to hell when Phoenix started throwing up Monday morning.
I know! The poor kid spent his birthday puking his guts up. It's just not fair! Anyway, they both had fevers on Tuesday so they still couldn't go to school, again. Wednesday they were both feeling much better so I sent their butts to school.
Unfortunately I forgot they are planning to change Kale's classroom location and ECE kids had the day off while the school plans the move. So I had to bring Kale home.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys. But I was sooooooo ready to have a day off! I had just spent the last six days taking care of every little need their sick butts required and I was looking forward to a day where all I had to worry about was doing the dishes and taking the dog out.
So yeah, sounds like a hectic time right?
But wait, there's more!
Sparky decided to visit our house on Wednesday. Me, being the suave woman I am, saw her out our front room window and exclaimed loudly, "F#@K ME RUNNING!"
I know what you're thinking, "She's calm and collected under pressure." That's me.
I cannot talk to that woman, I have a problem with my temper when forced to deal with ignorant people. James can be reasoned with, but Sparky makes no sense when she is angry. She's right and everyone else in the world is wrong. Why? Because she said so.
Anyway, I went and got Amoo to talk to her to keep myself from screaming at the irritating woman. If that makes me a chicken shit, so be it. After much bickering on Sparky's part mom discovered that they want to raise the rent, again.
Mom told them that we would not stay here for the amount they wanted so we would start looking for a new place to go. Sparky, of course, started yelling that she would have us evicted if we didn't agree to pay the rent. Which by the way is the total amount of the house payment. So we would be buying them a house.
When Sparky starts popping shit even Mom can't deal with it. She told her, "Sparky you're so dumb I can't believe you breath the same air as humans!" Score one point for the home team.
After looking for a place to rent that night, I went the next morning and got a whole crap load of boxes and started packing. I have to say, people are desperate to rent their properties. Rent is extraordinarily cheap and they no longer seem to care if the tenants have dogs and cats. You can tell the economy has taken a downturn when the people are no longer picky about who they rent out to.
We found several 3 bedroom houses for $700-$900 per month, and all of them allowed pets.
Mom and I started looking at places on a rent-to-own basis, and there's a lot of them out there. But then she had this idea. If she could talk to James, who is the only reasonable person in that family, she could agree to paying the whole house payment if he will let us have the house when it's payed off. She talked to him and he said he would think about it. Which basically means he has to ask Sparky's permission and she's going to say no. Why? Because she's mad at Kale and thinks we have turned him against her. I swear that woman is so full of spite, I wonder how she hasn't choked on it yet.
So, if by some miracle he can convince his wife to let us buy the house, we won't have to move. We are so not counting on that. I'm still packing. We will not stay here for the amount they are asking when we can get our own house for three or four hundred less each month.
And yes, if they agree to let us buy the house we would need some kind of notarized proof that the home would belong to us after we pay the total amount of the loan, plus the amount they have already paid. And of course we would have to pay for the entirely new kitchen and water heater. But if we can keep the house it would be worth it. I like my house. We get to paint the rooms however we want and we don't have to worry about replacing the carpet every time the kids spill their drinks.
Anyway... I hope James can make his wife see reason, but I highly doubt it. So we are still planning to move. I don't like moving but it would be a lot cheaper to rent a different house than to stay here. I hope Sparky realizes that.
I have always wanted to tell James that he needs to tell a doctor that his wife's moods change with the weather, literally. During the summer she is happy and we are her best friends and she loves us. But as soon as the weather starts getting cold she turns into the most evil, spiteful woman I have ever encountered. And all of a sudden we are pieces of shit not good enough to lick the crap off her boots. I'm pretty sure there's a treatment for her kind of behavior, because it's not normal.
Just don't let her hear you say it. Because she's perfect, don't you know? And she could never do anything wrong.
I know, I'm acting like a child. Complaining about her is an adolescent thing to do, but I can't hold it back anymore. Besides, it feels good. Like and enema.