Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

Oct 2, 2009

Happy Birthday To FLU!

Okay... where to begin?
First of all, the reason why no one has been able to get a hold of me is because we have all been so sick. Seriously, when you're so ill that you can't motivate yourself to answer the phone then you know something is terribly wrong.
It started with Kale being sent home on Thursday because he couldn't stop throwing up. I spent most of that day and night cleaning up after him and doing laundry. The poor little guy just couldn't hold anything down. The next day Phoenix had a fever of 102.5 so no one went to school.
I let Phoenix open his birthday present on Friday so he could have the whole weekend to play Guitar Hero 5. On Saturday night Phoenix's ear started hurting badly so at 4am when he couldn't stand it anymore we went to the Children's hospital to get some antibiotics. I spent the rest of the day trying to get the kids well for school on Monday. That plan was shot to hell when Phoenix started throwing up Monday morning.
I know! The poor kid spent his birthday puking his guts up. It's just not fair! Anyway, they both had fevers on Tuesday so they still couldn't go to school, again. Wednesday they were both feeling much better so I sent their butts to school.
Unfortunately I forgot they are planning to change Kale's classroom location and ECE kids had the day off while the school plans the move. So I had to bring Kale home.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys. But I was sooooooo ready to have a day off! I had just spent the last six days taking care of every little need their sick butts required and I was looking forward to a day where all I had to worry about was doing the dishes and taking the dog out.
So yeah, sounds like a hectic time right?
But wait, there's more!
Sparky decided to visit our house on Wednesday. Me, being the suave woman I am, saw her out our front room window and exclaimed loudly, "F#@K ME RUNNING!"
I know what you're thinking, "She's calm and collected under pressure." That's me.
I cannot talk to that woman, I have a problem with my temper when forced to deal with ignorant people. James can be reasoned with, but Sparky makes no sense when she is angry. She's right and everyone else in the world is wrong. Why? Because she said so.
Anyway, I went and got Amoo to talk to her to keep myself from screaming at the irritating woman. If that makes me a chicken shit, so be it. After much bickering on Sparky's part mom discovered that they want to raise the rent, again.
Mom told them that we would not stay here for the amount they wanted so we would start looking for a new place to go. Sparky, of course, started yelling that she would have us evicted if we didn't agree to pay the rent. Which by the way is the total amount of the house payment. So we would be buying them a house.
When Sparky starts popping shit even Mom can't deal with it. She told her, "Sparky you're so dumb I can't believe you breath the same air as humans!" Score one point for the home team.
After looking for a place to rent that night, I went the next morning and got a whole crap load of boxes and started packing. I have to say, people are desperate to rent their properties. Rent is extraordinarily cheap and they no longer seem to care if the tenants have dogs and cats. You can tell the economy has taken a downturn when the people are no longer picky about who they rent out to.
We found several 3 bedroom houses for $700-$900 per month, and all of them allowed pets.
Mom and I started looking at places on a rent-to-own basis, and there's a lot of them out there. But then she had this idea. If she could talk to James, who is the only reasonable person in that family, she could agree to paying the whole house payment if he will let us have the house when it's payed off. She talked to him and he said he would think about it. Which basically means he has to ask Sparky's permission and she's going to say no. Why? Because she's mad at Kale and thinks we have turned him against her. I swear that woman is so full of spite, I wonder how she hasn't choked on it yet.
So, if by some miracle he can convince his wife to let us buy the house, we won't have to move. We are so not counting on that. I'm still packing. We will not stay here for the amount they are asking when we can get our own house for three or four hundred less each month.
And yes, if they agree to let us buy the house we would need some kind of notarized proof that the home would belong to us after we pay the total amount of the loan, plus the amount they have already paid. And of course we would have to pay for the entirely new kitchen and water heater. But if we can keep the house it would be worth it. I like my house. We get to paint the rooms however we want and we don't have to worry about replacing the carpet every time the kids spill their drinks.
Anyway... I hope James can make his wife see reason, but I highly doubt it. So we are still planning to move. I don't like moving but it would be a lot cheaper to rent a different house than to stay here. I hope Sparky realizes that.
I have always wanted to tell James that he needs to tell a doctor that his wife's moods change with the weather, literally. During the summer she is happy and we are her best friends and she loves us. But as soon as the weather starts getting cold she turns into the most evil, spiteful woman I have ever encountered. And all of a sudden we are pieces of shit not good enough to lick the crap off her boots. I'm pretty sure there's a treatment for her kind of behavior, because it's not normal.
Just don't let her hear you say it. Because she's perfect, don't you know? And she could never do anything wrong.
I know, I'm acting like a child. Complaining about her is an adolescent thing to do, but I can't hold it back anymore. Besides, it feels good. Like and enema.


Mammallama said...

Actually, she is crazy as a bed bug but whatever I would rather not move right now. I want my own house when I move.

Tobi said...

Phoenix looks so happy with Guitar Hero 5. I'm glad that he had a semi- happy birthday.

Sorry about Sparky. I too think that lady is loco!