My Angry Letter

This was the letter that I wrote to Andrew at 4 am the morning after the Great Chucky Cheese Disaster.

Andrew,
This cannot continue.
Why in the world your mother, or anyone really, expect a five year old to value familial relationships above shiny new possessions is above my knowledge. The ability to appreciate family comes with TIME and AGE, no one is born with it.
Your mother thinks we have turned Kale against her. It's sooooooo not true. I completely understand, and don't really care, that you will never believe me about that. But still, it's not true.
The fact that you blame Dakota for poisoning Kale and making him afraid of your side of the family is laughable to the point of hysteria.
Sure, I believe Kale told you it was so. But he also told us, and the social worker at his school, that you beat him with a belt.
Could it be true? Maybe. But I'm not prepared to take a five year old's word for it. He also thinks Ghost Rider is his best friend and lives under his bed. Kale has a big imagination and he uses it constantly.
It's called childhood!
When I was a child I hated going to my father's house because while I was there he would tell me how my behavior was wrong and what a worthless piece of shit my mother was. And yet he never caught on that, as a child, I didn't enjoy that kind of treatment.
Telling a kid that the way they think and feel is wrong isn't going to sway them to your way of thinking. All it does is create an uncomfortable environment for them and at such a young age all they know is it's not fun, so they don't like it.
I still, to this day, refuse to speak to my father. Is that what you and your mother want? Do you really think telling Kale he's wrong and bad is the way to get him to want to spend more time with you? Because I have over twenty years of experience being the child between two parents that live in different families and I know what will work. What you guys are doing will only make it worse.
Sparky... All she had to do was get through one family gathering without slinging insults at anyone, and she couldn't even do it for his birthday.
Do you know what the definition of insanity is?
Literally it is repeating the same behavior over and over, yet expecting different results every time. Your mother thinks that she is always right, that what comes out of her mouth is law. Then when Kale doesn't respond positively to what she's saying she labels him as wrong and bad. And yet she cannot fathom why he doesn't want to be near her. If I acted that way toward Addie what would you do? No one other than you and your wife has the right to reprimand your daughter, because you understand her behavior better than anyone.
If Addie got a bunch of presents and was at Chucky Cheese would you expect her to want to stay at the boring table to socialize with people she barely knows anymore? Of course she would want to play with her toys and all the games. She's a child and to expect more of her is unfair and insanely unrealistic.
Does your mother really think arguing with Kale, pointing out his character flaws, is the way to his heart? If she wanted to be around him so much she should have kept it light and fun for him. Now the only thing he's going to remember is his grandma yelling at him and Mommy and Daddy arguing.
Kids don't like uncomfortable situations. I would think, after raising as many children as Sparky has, she would have known that.
And I would never try turning Kale against any of you.
Do you know why?
Because it only drives the child toward whatever you're trying to warn them away from.
It's basic human behavior: Tell a kid not to touch the fire and they will stick their hand in it. You warned them but they went for it anyway. The thing is, they wouldn't have even thought of touching the fire if you hadn't mentioned it.
Anyway,
If you want to spend time with Kale all you have to do is call me. If he's not in school and we don't have anything planned you may come over to play with him. Hell, I'll even meet you somewhere if you don't want to be at my house.
But I'm warning you, if you bring Sparky I will leave with Kale, or ask you to leave if we are at my house.
All she does is make Kale feel like shit for being himself and I will no longer tolerate that poisonous behavior near my son. It's not good for him and personally, I'm sick to death of it. I simply will not stand for it anymore.
Oh.
And I will also not tolerate anymore badmouthing of Dakota. He never did anything to you, or Kale, and placing the blame on him is just a way for Sparky to feel like she did nothing wrong when, in fact, she did. And she knows it.
I would love for Kale to have a relationship with you and his siblings, I think it would be good for him. But Sparky is out. She is not good for him and I'm sick of allowing her bullshit near my son just because she's his family.
Being a parent will teach you some very hard lessons and one of the most important ones is this: Your children are more important than what anyone else wants.
What Sparky wants is not worth the emotional damage Kale sustains every time he's around her. So I'm sorry, I truly am, but she is no longer welcome around my family.
If she ever wants to see Kale again she needs to take a look at herself and realize that yes, she did do something wrong with him and perhaps try behaving a little better toward her only grandson.
He's growing up so fast and she's going to miss even more of it because she couldn't keep her hateful comments to herself.
It's sad really.
So, if you want a relationship with Kale then step up. The only person stopping you is yourself.
Oh, and could you tell Sparky not to send him Popcorn Factory stuff anymore? He doesn't like it very much and it's not going to buy his affection.

I won't send this letter to him but it felt good to get it out.
Later
BD

Lets get ready to RUMBLE!

Today is Kale's birthday... Hippo Birdie Ewe Ewe.
On Friday Sparky called and managed to convince Kale to come to Chucky Cheese so their side of the family could wish him a happy birthday and give him his presents.
For once he was excited to see his grandma and grandpa, but especially excited to see his sisters.
So yesterday Phoenix, Kale, Dakota and I went to the seventh circle of hell, otherwise known as 'Chucky Cheese.' I hate that place but last night was especially bad because everyone, and I mean everyone, was there. It was so packed that we had to clean our own table just to have a place to sit. It was also very, very, very hot. Like how it gets in a mosh pit at a heavy metal concert. There were so many people and they were all in my personal space.
I'm a little claustrophobic and the people all around me were not enhancing my calm. But I stuck it out with a smile for the kids.
I gave Dakota fifty tokens and he was off with Phoenix when we found James and Addie. They told us where they were sitting and that they had saved us a table so I moved all our stuff to their section.
Addie loves her brother and she's at that very cute age where she gets so excited and has to tell everyone how she feels. "Is Kale! Kale! My Kale!" I mean, it just doesn't get cuter than that. His other sisters, Presley and Lilly, were considerably less excited about him and more happy to be chewing on anything they could get their hands on. But they're babies, I expected no less. They are getting so big and Lilly is chunky, just like Kale was as a baby.
Kale opened his presents, he made out like a bandit, and posed for so many pictures with his family. He was getting tired of it so he slipped away from the table and went to the giant gerbil cage to crawl in the tubes. I grabbed Phoenix and sent him in to get Kale and bring him back to the table. While he was inside James came to get me. I guess Kale was back at our table and was freaking out because he couldn't find any of us and thought we had left him with Sparky. I went to the table and tried my best to calm him down.
In the middle of Kale throwing the fit Sparky decides it's time for Kale to take a picture with his father, stepmother, and his three sisters. Sure it was a good idea, but the timing was less than stellar. So, of course, he didn't want to let go of me just yet. In his mind I had left him and he'd just gotten me back. He's still afraid of his grandmother and knows that everyone in that family is on her side. He seems to think that they will turn him over to her care.
Were his fears crazy? Maybe. But he's a little kid. You can't reason with a five year old, they're not rational creatures.
So, Kale didn't want to leave me to get his picture taken. Just when I had convinced him to pose for the picture, that I would stay where he could see me the whole time, Sparky starts packing up their shit and ranting at Kale.
It was loud and I had trouble hearing it all but the gist of it was that she was mad at Kale for not showing any interest in her and the family, that he was more interested in the presents than the people.
(I know what you're thinking, "no! a five year old more interested in presents than people, it can't be!" You feel me?)
Then, to seal the deal, she put her finger in his face and called him a "very f*@$ing selfish little boy!"
I asked Sparky why she had to go and do that. Why did she have to turn it into a fight? She said she could tell when she wasn't wanted and if Kale had what he'd come for then she would just leave.
(Can you hear my heart breaking? No! Say it ain't so!)
Andrew missed the ranting and after talking to his mother asked me why I had been so mean to his mother. I told him that she stuck her finger in Kale's face and what she said.
For a split second, I saw disappointment in his eyes. I think deep down he knows that his mother caused a fight and was angry with her. But who knows? Maybe I saw what I wanted to see. He said that Kale was a selfish little boy.
I told him, "Of course he is! He's a five year old. You can't expect him to behave like an adult when he's just a little boy."
Honestly, I think Andrew understands my side of the argument. But his mother is his mother, and she's also his free babysitter. With a set of twins and another little girl to be watched while he's at work... Would you give it up just to speak your mind? I'm not saying he's a wuss... Okay, maybe I am, but I can see why he would take her side.
Everyone left with her. I think they're all afraid to go against her and you can tell she's the one who tells everyone else what to do because they all followed her out like lemmings.
Kale, of course, was upset. He was almost in tears when he told me he didn't know what he had done wrong and why was his grandma being so mean to him?
Yeah, happy birthday to you Kale.
I stayed in that hell on earth for another hour and a half to try cheering him up. We spent all of the tokens and eventually Kale forgot about the drama so he could concentrate on all the fun games and picking out his prizes.
So, other than the grudge match and insult slinging, it was a great birthday celebration.
I swear! I'm never going to that Chucky Cheese again.
Later
BD
P.S. The date on my camera is one day slow. These were taken on the sixteenth.

Trip (trouble) Evans

Trip was injured today.
I don't know what happened to her. I was inside, watching Animal Cops, when I heard her screaming outside. I ran to the door, but she had made it into the kitchen before I could see what she'd gotten into. She had a HUGE cut on her left side, kind of high up close to her spinal cord. I saw all the blood and, being the calm and collected girl I am, freaked out. I called Amoo and told her Trip was dying and to come take us to the animal hospital before she bled to death.
Amoo is like a rock in a tense situation. In her 911 operator voice she told me to put pressure on the wound and she would be there to pick us up in 15 minutes.
After the first few minutes the bleeding stopped and I got a good look at the wound. It was as long as my first finger and two fingers wide. At first I thought maybe she was attacked by another animal that had somehow made it into our back yard, but the cut was too clean for that. It looked like she had been sliced open with something hard and sharp.
After I got her to the hospital she started shaking really bad, but the nurse told me it was just because she was scared and in pain. (I thought she might be going into shock or something.)
The doctor had to drag Trip back to the triage center where they would put her to sleep for a couple hours and sew her back together.
I just talked to the doctor and she said it looked like Trip may have gotten stuck in a tight space with a jagged piece of metal dragging over her back. She said there was a lot of 'dead space' around the wound, which, she explained, is where her pelt was ripped away from the connecting tissue by the force of her trying to get out of wherever she was stuck. Basically she was skinned and they had to re-attach her pelt.
The best part of this??? She's going to be fine. She's going to have a drain tube that we have to flush out once a day and give her medicine 2x a day. What a terrible day.

BD