Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

May 9, 2009

Dumb Ass...Friday. Yes, I know it's Saturday. So what?

A few days ago I got maybe an hour sleep and had a busy day so didn't get a nap in. That night I took two Dramamine so I could get sleep. Normally I go to sleep around 11 pm - midnight but that stuff kicked in very quickly and as soon as I got my boys' teeth brushed and tucked them into their beds ,at 8 pm, I passed out. I even forgot to turn off my light. At four thirty the next morning I popped out of bed like a toaster strudel and couldn't go back to sleep. Go figure.
So I took a shower and shaved all the way up my legs, ooh, I'm a sexy bitch. Then I plucked my shaggy eyebrows and painted my finger and toenails. After braiding my hair I still found myself with an hour of time to kill before anyone in the house woke up. So for the first time in at least two, maybe even three months I put on make up.
Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuuunnnnn!!!
It's been a while so it took me forever to get my eyeliner strait, but eventually I got my eyes done. If you don't already know I only wear eye makeup. My lips are too thin for lipstick and I can't stand wearing base or powder on my face. I skeeves me out.
Mom almost fell over dead when she saw me.
Anyway, at the end of the day my eyes felt like they were on fire. Maybe my makeup is too old or maybe I just used too much eyeshadow and it fell into my eyes, but it hurt. I washed it off and looked at my face.
I nearly died laughing. It looked like I had two bruised eyes and the whites of my eyes were all red from the irritation.
Looked like a crack whore who was bitch slapped by her pimp for not earning enough in one night.
Good times dumb ass.

I went to Albertsons to get some groceries for Mom's mother's day breakfast. I don't know where I left my brain but it surely wasn't on me when I decided to let Phoenix have control of the shopping cart. Kale was pissed that we were at the store and not at home playing Lego Batman so he sat in the basket, placed his head on his arms and went to sleep.
Phoenix knocked over a display of Sobe drinks, big shocker there. There were two other shoppers who took pity on me and helped me put the bottles, thankfully they were plastic, back into place. They told me that this was how they learned not to let their own kids drive the cart.
So the whole time I'm picking the stuff up, and planning my son's murder, Phoenix was saying, "Man Kale why did you do that?" I told him Kale was asleep and that it was his fault but he just pointed at his slumbering brother and said he kicked it while pretending to sleep.
That's his story and he's sticking to it. It doesn't matter that I saw it happen, he says I'm wrong, damn it, wrong. I wasn't mad at him, just very embarrassed, until he was throwing a fit in the canned foods aisle and knocked over a bunch of cans of peas. I made him put every single one back with every label facing forward.
When we got home Phoenix was pissed that I was mean to him at the store so he took the bag with eggs and a pie shell in it and threw it across the kitchen. The only reason he is still alive is because he is extremely lucky. None of the eggs or the pie shell was broken. Maybe he's Irish on his dad's side.
I love going out with my boys. No really.

On Monday Phoenix woke up with a fever of 102.5 so I kept him home. Tuesday and Wednesday he had a fever as well and the school said he couldn't come back to school until 24 hours after he stopped showing symptoms. Every day I called the school to tell them he wouldn't be there they asked me what his symptoms were because of the flu going around. On Wednesday the lady asked if I was taking him to the doctor and I told her the earliest appointment I could get was on Friday so he wouldn't be in until at least Monday.
I'm not sure what she said to the school nurse but it must have been drastic because later that day I got a call from Phoenix's clinic. The nurse asked me if I was aware that the nurse from Knight Academy was calling them and trying to get privileged information about my son. I made sure that she wasn't told anything then I called the school. The school secretary sounded shocked when I told her what my clinic had told me and immediately connected me to the nurse.
I tried my hardest to be polite as possible while smoke poured out of my ears and flames shot out of my eyes. She said that her district supervisor told her to do it and that she was only following orders.
I asked her if she really was a nurse.
She said yes, she was.
I then asked her if she really was a nurse why she didn't seem to know what HIPPA was and why she thought she could get any information on my son without my written consent or a court order.
She didn't really answer that one.
I told her not to do that again and as soon as I got an answer from the doctor I would call them.
It turned out Phoenix had a cold. But even if he did have the swine flu the doctor wouldn't have treated him for it. Because it's no more life threatening than the regular flu.
Dumb ass freaking school nurse.


Tobi said...

Love the picture of you creeping downstairs to get chocolate. Very authentic! =)

Phoenix must be a magician to throw eggs and none of them break. Perhaps should write to Hogwarts and inform them of his potential!

Mammallama said...

The dumbest thing in this blog is that you missed a million mr goodbar mini's at my work last night
ha ha

bdmom said...

Well I have a giant Mr. Goodbar hidden in my room, so there! Nanna Nanna Boo Boo!