Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

May 1, 2009

Dumb Ass Friday. Yes, on time.

Wednesday I got home from work and my world was spinning like I had spent the last several hours buried face first in a bottle of vodka. I don't know what brought it on but I couldn't stand to lie down. I tried taking a shower in an attempt to sooth my brain back to a standstill. I didn't really get anything accomplished besides slipping a few times, and who knew you could drop a bar of soap on your foot in just the right way to make it really hurt? I guess I'm that talented. Maybe next week I'll find out how to strangle myself with a Kielbasa.

Today I went to the store with my two boys, (demons) I mean angels, of course. Yeah... that's what I meant.

They rode the Penny Pony six times each and Phoenix managed to follow the cord from the bottom of the pony to an outlet behind a red box and nearly electrocuted himself while trying to unplug it in an attempt to thwart Kale's turn to ride. Where was I? Trying to convince Kale that standing up on the saddle while the thing is moving is NOT a good idea.
"But why can't I? I will look so cool!"

After assuring the good people working there that he was alright I hung my head in shame and marched us all out to the car.

It was locked and the keys were still inside. Why you ask?

Phoenix and Kale wanted to listen the rest of the song playing on the CD player while I got out and made sure I had everything I needed for the store. (When you have kids like mine you learn that anything and everything can disappear from your purse at any given time. So I have learned to check for my money and ID before I get to the checkout and make an ass of myself.)

In Kung Fu Panda master 'Whatever his name is' the turtle, tells master Shi Fu that 'We often open the path to our destiny by trying to avoid it.' Well it was something like that.

Phoenix and Kale finished listening to their song and got out of the car. I asked my eldest if he had the keys and like a good little monster he said yes, even though they were still in the ignition.

I know, I know! Dumb Ass! At least I didn't leave the damn thing running.

When we got out to the car I had to call Amoo and have her drive to the store, luckily we were less than a mile from her work, and bring me the spare keys.

I just finished watching a movie called Marley and Me. While it doesn't have much to do with me being a dumb ass it does tie into my stories for my Friday blog.

It's not really about a dog. If you have kids and a family you know it's about what real life is like. About the choices we make and even when what you choose sucks and it feels too hard, it is still your life. And when you look back on everything that is your life would you change any of it? Even the bad times?

So, yes life is hard. Yes, I am a single mother who struggles every day just to survive to the next one. Yes, my children are little terrorists in training and my house is a constant war zone complete with booby traps and a four year old's equivalent of land mines. (Those little toys hurt on the feet.) But if I could go back and change my decision to have my kids and raise them, would I?

Hell No!

Because how many people make you feel special and rare? How many times in your life will you feel like you are the most important person in the whole world? Every day when you kiss the boo boo on their toe or are thanked for making them their favorite dessert. When they wake you up way too early on a Saturday morning to give you kisses, complete with morning breath, that's when you know.

Your life will never be the same, and it can't get better than this.

P.S. I think I have PMS right now so don't expect any more mushy moments. I think I've met my quota for the year.



Mammallama said...

I live for those squishy moments when you have to come retrieve your progeny out of my closet because even though this is the 1,999th time they have hidden from you there, they are thinking you can't find them and squeel like little piggies as you chase them both back upstairs.
Go you mother you go.

Tobi said...

Deprive me of chocolate and take away my high speed internet access but I will never willingly give up my Dude and my princess.

P.S. If anyone could find a way to strangle themselves with Kilbasa it would be you. Fo' sure!