Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

May 1, 2008

Hey! What about me?

Kale has informed me that I must write a blog about him. I already planned on it, but he wants it done now.

Last night we went to the store to pick up Phoenix's prescriptions. Kale must think he is in control of everyone else in the world because he wouldn't shut up. While we were walking down the aisles he would hold out his hand at the oncoming traffic and say, "excuse me, excuse me, get out of the way."

I, of course, was mortified that he would say such things to complete strangers and tried getting him to stop. In a way he did. He stopped directing traffic and instead started telling everyone he saw about his skills with the Wii.

"Lady. Lady! I'm good at bowling, you know it?"


"Hey! I learned to golf at home, and I'm really good at it. You know it?"

I swear he would not shut up. But I didn't have the heart to stop him because it was so freaking cute! He just thinks that everyone should stop what they're doing and pay attention to what he's trying to say. And a lot of the time, they do.

For there is no human on this earth who can resist the cuteness of the mighty Kale. Many have tried and all have failed. He's not as cute as Cora, for there is no such creature, but people tend to react the same to him as they do to her.

Oh, your so cute! Can I get you some candy or buy you a toy? I think they know how cute they are and use it as a weapon against us lesser mortals who are powerless to resist such adorableness.

I really think the government will find out about the cuteness we harbor and research this power as a possible weapon.

Who needs biochemical weapons when you can stun and entrance the enemy with a cute little girl in her squeaky shoes and fairy wings?

Or imagine a battlefield. Guns firing on both sides. Smoke everywhere, men cursing the enemy. All of a sudden a three year old boy jumps in front of them and starts talking:

"I got two Freddy Kruger masks and a Leather Face mask and Daddy let me watch Pinhead, you know it? You have a gun, I have a gun I got two super six shooters and a laser gun. Phoenix has the Tommy twenty but he lets me play with it. You got light sabers? I got a force action light saber. It pushes out like 'whooaaa!' when you push the button. And I can do special moves like 'haaa! chow! whatchaaaa!' Phoenix is better at it but he teaches me how to use the force. And we learned to sneak from mommy, you know it?"

He will keep talking about everything and nothing until the enemy just decides it would be easier to surrender. Anything to get him to shut up.

If it were Cora she would have each man carrying a pair of shoes, in case she needs to change the ones she's wearing, and the ones not carrying her shoes will be dotting on her every whim. One will fetch her juice while the other seeks out the episode of Little Einsteins that has Catcheye.

They won't know what hit them.


Tobi said...

I love how he always says, "You know it?" That's so funny and so very cute. I love the picture you posted of him. He looks so deceptively innocent and free of all evil doings.

Your right about Cora. However she would need a whole box of shoes to accompany her wherever she goes...

Mammallama said...

Your blog on Kale is not long enough. The boy NEVER stops demanding attention and service from us lesser mortals.