Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

May 14, 2010

Effing crap and stuff.

Up with this shit I will not put!
My computer is challenged. I can't put a play list on my blog spot because the stupid thing won't let me copy and paste.
I can't put any new pictures on it either because now that Robert has (fixed) the computer it no longer recognizes the drive the memory card plugs into. He says it wasn't him. Bullshit! Funny how I never had this problem before he fiddled with it. But, no, it's just a funny coincidence.
I can't get anything to work on this stupid thing and it's pissing me off.
I was gonna post some pictures of Kale and Phoenix playing with Cora and Alec, but I can't, so I won't.

I had to go with Kale on a field trip to the aquarium. Why? He's afraid his grandmother will show up and take him away. Thanks Sparky for the emotional damage to my five-year-old. Much love.
The best way to describe my experience on the field trip is... well...
Imagine you have three eggs and only two hands to carry them in. Now imagine you have to carry these fragile things safely through a tornado.
Am I exaggerating?
Hell no!
I was in charge of Kale, and two other kids. One, a girl named Yasmin and the other, also a girl, named Breanna. Kale was paranoid, bordering on hysteria, the whole time and wouldn't let go of me for more than fifteen seconds while simultaneously telling me we should go now because he didn't like it there.
Breanna is a very intelligent little girl. The problem is she's also independent. Most four-year-olds wouldn't know to keep within sight of the adult they were paired with. So every time she let go of my hand I had to go collect her. She amazed me when she started reading the printed information next to the tanks of exotic fish. Sure she had to sound out some of the words but I'm still extremely impressed that she was able to read words like habitat and instincts.
Breanna also has a big thing for hand sanitizer. At the downtown aquarium there is a hand sanitizer dispenser every fifteen feet or so. She used each one at least three times.
Yasmin is the cutest little girl in the world, next to Cora. (I'm not trying to usurp her Highness's position.) The problem is that she was scared of everything. The pretty jellyfish that looked like they were changing colors scared her. The sea turtles scared her. Even the clown fish, Nemo fish, and the fish that looked like Dori scared her. The beautiful and majestic sting rays? Terrified her. Maybe because they looked big enough to swallow her whole. Even the little fish frightened her. It was hard getting anything coherent out of her mouth but, from what I understood, she thought the fish could swim out and get her. The two, and sometimes three, inch glass didn't seem like a sturdy enough barrier to her.
So every time Yasmin got scared she climbed up me until she was wrapped around my head like the dog Max on How The Grinch Stole Christmas. You know, when they take the sled down the mountain? And that girl has some sharp ass nails.
Then we got to the largest tank where they keep the sharks. I was braced for impact when she would surely launch herself at me like the space shuttle headed to the international space station. She took one look at a nurse shark with all it's jagged, gnarly teeth and said... "Ooooh, pretty."
I about had a heart attack. Seriously... WTF?
I could probably have handled this with ease if it weren't for the fifty other schools on a field trip to the aquarium at the same time as us. Some of them were older kids, but it was like little kids day or something. And they all looked the same to me. Remember the tornado I mentioned earlier? That was the two or three hundred other kids there. Who, by the way were pushing in on me, and my tiny little charges, the whole time. It was like being in a mosh pit, only with something you need to protect.
At lunch time I had to try getting Kale to eat the food the school provided. See, the aquarium won't allow backpacks inside. I don't know why, just to irritate me probably. So I left Kale's lunchable in his backpack at the school. I swear, that child has food issues. The lunch the school provided consisted of a peanut butter and jelly crustable sandwich, obviously poison. Celery sticks, can't even be classified as edible. Apple sauce, which Kale informed me was scabs and pus. String cheese, jellyfish tentacles. (See, he did learn something on the field trip.) I managed to get him to choke down the apple juice, probably because he was starving.
When we got back to the school I did a bad thing. I made up some lame excuse and took Phoenix and Kale home where I collapsed on the living room floor and ate pizza until my head stopped buzzing.
Next week Kale's class is going to the Butterfly Pavilion and Ms. Weil, his teacher, said if they don't have any other parents to come I get to go with them again. Yay me!
I think I can handle it, if I have some nice tranquilizers to come home to.
Later BD
Sarah, I love your music playlist. Well, except the lady gaga, aka: lady gag me. I can't stand her.


Tonja said...

there is NO possible way he messed up your ocmputer.. lets forget my soundcard still wont work after he messed with mine,lol

Tobi said...

Sorry about your computer. I hope you can find the camera cord so you can load pictures on your computer.

Mammallama said...

Stop swearing in public or i'll erase your blog.
Your word verification was runistsl
as in run i say faster away from the little runts!

Sarah said...

Suc on ma cack woman, lady ga-ga cracks me up! It's the videos that got me hooked!
Don't feel bad about making lame excuses, I do it all the time to ditch out of social obligations.