Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

Mar 13, 2010

We're looking, we're looking. A... what are we lookin' for?

So yeah, I've been away from my computer lately. But I really do have a good excuse. Honest.
First of all Robert moved in, totally not my idea, and he "fixed the computer" again. (also not my idea) So everything I had on the computer, my favorites, pictures, smutty websites, etc. are all gone. Plus I always feel like he's looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm not trash talking him or something. (P.S. If you are reading this Robert you should mind your own business and stay the hell off my blog spot.)
I kid you not, the same day he came the paranoid crap started. He said someone installed spy ware on our computer. Is it possible? Sure. But considering the source I'm not prepared to go on faith that it's true.
I've been sick for a while now. I'm getting a whole lot better but I still haven't gotten my voice back completely. It sounds like a sea hag getting goosed in the ass every few seconds. It's all low like a man who's smoked for fifty years but then when I talk for any length of time it cracks and shoots up in pitch until the dogs are the only ones who can hear it.
So if you have called me and I haven't answered it's because it hurts when I talk, not because I hate you and don't want to talk. You know me, I LOVE to talk.
Phoenix thought I was a vampire and tried to stake me.
(so I was gonna put a picture of my wound here but now that the computer is 'fixed' it won't let me see anything I plug into the tower. pisses me off!)
Well... that's not exactly how it went down but it sounds way cooler than what actually happened. I was making a wand with my dremel tool when Trip, the poor clueless puppy, came barrelling into me. I fell into the dremel and it slashed across my chest. The amount of blood was impressive but ultimately it wasn't that bad. It felt like I got a sunburn on a fresh tattoo.
Ooooooh. Funny story.
I had just finished getting Kale dressed after his bath so I was sitting in the hallway outside their bathroom. I was putting triple antibiotic ointment on the wound on my chest when John walked up to go into his room. (he didn't know I had been hurt) He saw me, his eyes got all big, and he turned around and started walking the other way. I did go tell him what I was really up to but for a minute there he thought I was stroking myself in public. Gross hun? I would have walked away too.
Kale has decided he wants to get married.
I know. He's only five but his mind is made up.
See, what had happened was...
His teacher, Ms. Weil, brought her dog to school because she's something of a celebrity to the kids and her cousin came with because she had a day off school and she wanted to help with the dog. Her cousin Jordan is this little blond twelve year old girl. And she's just about as cute as little girls get. When I came to pick up Kale his teacher told me to look at what he was doing. He was hiding behind a table, which was like an elephant hiding behind a bush and looking at Jordan with what can only be described as longing in his eyes. When he saw I was there he freaked out because he wanted to draw a picture for her before we left. After he gave her the picture he came out to me, stopped, said he forgot something important, and ran back into the classroom. He ran up to Jordan and said, "I LOVE YOU!" then ran back out to me.
While we walked home he told me I had to buy him a tuxedo so he could get married to her.
So yeah, Kale's in love with a cougar. I'm gonna be a mother in law.
Phoenix made up this story as part of his homework and I just was so proud of him that I had to share.
Once there was a snake who loved to spin in circles. But one day he spun in a circle for so long that he got tied in a knot. He asked everyone he knew for help but they couldn't untie him because they were snakes too and didn't have any hands. The snake was sad. To cheer himself up he started spinning in a circle again. Then he had an idea... He started spinning in a circle going the other way. He did it for a long time and he was very dizzy. But when he wasn't dizzy anymore he saw that he wasn't tied in a knot. He was very happy.
Seriously, it doesn't get cuter than that.
Dakota and Dalton are here today so I've got to go see what the panicked screaming is all about.
Wish me luck and fortitude.


Tobi said...

Glad that you blogged again. Sorry about Robert. I would doubt just about anything he said too. I hope you get your voice back soon. Of course that would require you to stop talking for awhile. =)

Mammallama said...

Your word for verification is Shmintl
as in ShimmalFinney@
Ha Ha
Glad to see you blog too.
Keep your sea hag voice to yourself.