Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

Sep 4, 2009

It's a PORT KEY!

Amoo and I have noticed something strange. For many months, probably a year, there has been a specific piece of trash placed in the same spot every single day.
When you drive to my, and Amoo's, work you have to go under three railroad bridges. Each bridge has a pillar in the middle of the road separating the lanes of traffic. Just before the first pillar there is always and empty Pepsi can in the road almost touching the pillar.
It's always there!
Amoo and I have a need, more like involuntary compulsion, to run over every can visible on the road so we know the can has been replaced every day with a new, unsquashed one.
At first it was just curious. We would joke that there must be some kids drinking soda under the bridge at night, or something. But it's only ever been one can. And why the hell would a person put it in the same spot every day?
Yesterday was different.
There were three Pepsi cans and there was the weirdest person picking them up with tongs. First of all, why tongs? Most people who pick up trash have a stick with a nail at the end or that long grabber thingie with the pincers at the end. This guy had a pair of hot dog tongs. WTF?
Secondly, this man was dressed very strangely. He had on a neon orange hat, like the ones men wear when they go hunting. He also had on a blue hoody with a business suit vest over it, and the worst pair of plaid golfing slacks I've ever seen in my life.
Now, doesn't that sound like a wizard trying to pass himself off as a muggle?
The evidence is compelling.
And why wasn't he letting his skin touch the innocent pepsi cans? Because it's a port key and he didn't want to be transported to wherever it lead.
Another point.
These railroad tracks are right next to a natural gas refinery, or something like that, called 'Suncor.' Natural gas my butt!
This place always smells like brimstone and has huge smoke stacks belching fire at all hours every day.
What if they really have dragons in there? It would explain the smell and the fires. Maybe it's a hatchery.
Maybe underground it's the 'Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.'
The whole thing is a conspiracy, I tell you! Hopefully I can post this blog before the American division of the 'Ministry of Magic' catches up to me and obliviates all my suspicions away. If this post suddenly disappears, you'll know why.
Anyone retarded enough to think I'm being serious needs mental help and should seek the nearest medical care providers.
It's just a joke, DUMB ASS!

1 comment:

Mammallama said...

Of course it is a portkey. Don't be such a muggle. Recant your recant, the magic community doesn't read your blog.