Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

Apr 10, 2009


I would have done this yesterday but I had a rare day without any monster minions so I got some cleaning done. Yeah, try not to faint.

After cooking our dinner on the grill, beef... fire... good, I started my Friday blog but then Phoenix came home and I was called in as the entertainment supervisor.

We had so much fun. Amoo picked up these little wooden airplanes and trucks and trains for the kids to paint. And knowing how much of a child I still am she got me a bus and a train as well. She's a good Amoo.

Praise the mother!

Anyway I decided to make mine into the Knight Bus and the Hogwarts Express. As soon as I find my camera I'll post some pictures.

Let's see... what happened this week?

I went to Barnes and Noble to pick up a book that Amoo and I wanted, but they didn't have it so I pre-ordered it. Kale loves that place for one reason.

Thomas the Train.

If you haven't ever taken your kids there then you have to do it soon. They get to play with trains while you read whatever book you picked out, plus it has Starbucks. It's as close to heaven as you can get here on earth. Well, second to the Russell Stover Candy Store.

Kale had to go to the bathroom while he was playing with the trains. When we got back to the train area there were these two teeny tiny, itty bitty little girls playing with the trains. They couldn't have been bigger than Cora and were dressed in pink and blue spring dresses with their Mary Jane shoes to match and there hair was all done in pigtails and bouncing curls.

Kale thought they were the fruits of the devil obviously sent by the dark one to thwart his peacefully perfect afternoon.

I thought he was going to murder one or both of them. He ran away from me and snatched a train from the little blond one with the Cindy Lou Who hair and pulled his arm back like he was going to throw it at her. I did a slide to home to my son and disarmed him before he did something I would have to kill him for. I apologized to the little girl's parents and marched his butt out of the train section.

He didn't want to go.

He started screaming blue bloody murder and dug his heels in so I had to swing him over my shoulder and carry his writhing body out of the book store. The whole way out to the car he screamed, "Don't smack me!" and "I want my trains!" So, of course, everyone in the store and parking lot looked at me like I was a child beater. Great for my self-esteem.

Do I really need to point out that I was mortified? I'm sure you get the idea. Do I also need to say that I felt like the biggest Dumb Ass? Goes without saying.

I'm sure you all know the definition of insanity, but it seemed appropriate to start the next disastrous telling of my exploits with a reminder.

Insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over but expecting different results. Just keep that in mind.

On Wednesday I went to work early, dumb ass, because I wanted to get to sleep on time so I could wake up early to get the shopping done and run some errands.

I had my mp3 player blaring and I, again was singing as only a person who thinks she is alone would do. Cats in a meat grinder. After about two songs Vern, the mechanic who sometimes works in dispatch came out, probably to see who was dying. I was shocked, he was shocked and we both went back to our tasks with reddened faces.

After he left I started the singing again, dumb ass, while I mopped. As I pushed the bucket full of steamy chemical rich water I saw two guys poke their heads out of the dispatch room. I nearly fell over the bucket and ended up catching myself in a less than graceful manner. As I fell I said the two words that caught their attention. I will not tell you them because then Amoo will yell at me until I remove them from my blog spot. the initials are JC, I hope she wont me mad.

Both of these men knew my mom and said they were going to tell her I said the aforementioned curse word. I told them if they said anything to her I would put super glue on the toilet seat in the shop. When they left we were all smiling due to the bull shit fest. I hid my shame well until they were gone. When the coast was clear I stomped up and down like a two year old throwing a tantrum while cursing the heavens like a sailor.

When will I learn I ask you? Probably never.




Tobi said...

Stop singing at work. It's the only way you'll stop being embarrassed.

I loved how you described your singing, "like cats in a meat grinder." I admit it's been a long time since I've heard you sing but I don't think you sound quite that bad. Geez, give yourself a little credit woman.


Mammallama said...

Yes, stop singing at work. And DO NOT use the JC word again or I will dock your pay.
You are not that bad if you don't have head phones on.