Things You Thought You Would NEVER Say...

Kale! If you eat another of your shirts I'm going to make you go without clothing.

Aug 19, 2010

Watch your kids in the bathroom.

Yesterday I was rushing through the house, making sure we would all be ready for back to school night @ 4pm, when I heard Kale crying. I found him in the bathroom sitting on the toilet. He said it was hurting when he tried pushing. This is not a new phenomenon. Kale has had constipation often and we're just used to it.
I told him there was nothing he could do but push it out. While saying this I noticed he was coated from the top of his head to his belly button in Gorilla Snot, a kind of super-hold hair jell, and that he'd taken John's shaving cream and used it like silly string on the floor all around him.
The next time Kale tried pushing he started screaming.
My mommy senses, you know... the one that says, "Help The Baby NOW!" went off and I took a look at what was doing between Kale's legs.
I will not describe what I saw. If you want to see what it looked like look up "rectal prolapse" on WEB MD or Google it.
I have never been so terrified in my life. To see what I saw and not be panicked is impossible. I thought at least he would need surgery and at worse he was dying from some kind of internal disease. I did the only thing I could think of. I pushed it back in. Later the doctors said it was the right thing to do, but now I think it was stupid and reckless and I had no business trying to fix a human.
Amoo came home from work as quickly as she could drive, legally. While she drove I bathed Kale to get all the gorilla snot off of him, and it seemed to calm him down. By the time we got to Children's Hospital he behaved as if it had never happened.
While we waited I let him take pictures of the lobby with my camera and they turned out rather good for a five year old.
When we finally got back to a room the doctor did a quick visual to make sure nothing was hanging out. He couldn't see anything wrong so they brought in the supervising doctor and a picture of what I had described. The picture was exactly what it looked like.
They said Kale had experienced something called Rectal Prolapse. Many, many things can cause it. It's most common in small children and the elderly who have problems digesting or live in third world countries and are malnourished.
Sometimes it can happen in healthy children if they just spend too much time on the toilet pushing way too hard.
They still had to do an internal exam to make sure everything was in the correct place. I cannot express the horror and panic I felt as they performed this odious, however necessary, procedure. Kale screamed and bit and kicked the whole time. It took four people besides me to hold him still so they didn't accidentally hurt him.
Afterward they gave him a juice box and a Popsicle.
Personally, I think he earned himself a new video game or a lump sum of cash, but I guess that was all they had on hand.
They said everything was fine and that it should never happen again, but that if it does I need to rush him to the E.R. as quickly as possible. Because if it happens again that means there's some kind of structural deformity that will most likely require surgery to fix.
We went home with some laxatives, a rubber glove balloon, and a very, very, VERY, unhappy child.
Today was his first day of school, which he got to experience while taking laxatives. Yay!
Maybe I'll tell that one another time.


Mammallama said...

You forgot the whole take your kid to the ER fun pack, 3 more kids. That's what you needed to make this day complete. Sucking on a whole new level is the illness on the day before school begins thing.
But .. an organ grinder and a Monkey would have been nice too!

Tobi said...

I'm really sorry about Kale. I hope he doesn't have to have surgery. Poor kid.